About Me!

Since, I couldn't fit this all in the actual "About Me" section, here it is...

They say you can't trust anyone over 30. Well, here I am, 3 months shy of turning 31... shouldn't I be able to trust myself by now?

My battle with food began early on in life. Even though I was never an overweight child, my father constantly nagged me about my figure. At age 7 I can remember him telling me that I couldn't have bread because I was too fat, and in the next breath he would yell at me for not eating everything on my dinner plate, saying we had "starving cousins in Cuba." Talk about mixed signals! 

My mother discovered her love of baking/cooking when I was young. She was a natural at it! To this day I have yet to taste a cheesecake that even comes close to hers. :) Well, this innate talent of my mother's, introduced a whole new world to me, that ignited each of my senses. At age 5 I could crack open and whisk an egg. By age 7, I was creating my own cooking shows (inspired by Julia Child's) and making egg salad (albeit, a little heavy-handed w/ the mustard... mom, you'll remember this! lol). Here I was, surrounded by double-boilers melting chocolate, the smell of moist cakes wafting through the house or onions being sautéed in melting butter... but not allowed to eat any of it. I was "too fat." Thus began my habit of sneaking and hiding food. :( Of course, it didn't help that my closest friends at the time were skinny twigs. Looking back at pictures, I see, I was not overweight, but perfectly healthy. Eventually, my self-fulfilling prophecy came to fruition, and the extra pounds not only found me, but stuck to me like white on rice!

To make a long story, less long... my whole life I have been battling with weight and food issues. I've been super successful with WeightWatchers, and will still recommend it. However, once more stressful, emotional situations entered my life, I was no longer able to follow the program and all the weight I had lost (55lbs) came back w/ a vengeance... and then some!

I try to be the best person I can be. My grandfather taught me how to love unconditionally, accept everyone, pick yourself up when you've fallen, be strong, be patient (although I have trouble w/ this one!) and forgive. I am proud of the woman I have grown up to be. However, there is still that voice in my head telling me "no one will really love you for you when you're overweight" and "you're not good enough". At 30yrs old, I know this is not true, but suffering from "morbid obesity" (ugh, could they pick a more demeaning name?), I find that I am doubting myself and the truths I know, and listening to that voice. 

So, where do I go from here? Something has to change. As a person who is deathly afraid of death, how can I justify living with a BMI of 47?! I might as well pick my coffin out now. NO! Thanks to two very important people to me (one of whom is currently living with the band, and both of whom work for a barriatric surgeon), and after MUCH consideration and knowledge inquiry... I have decided to make a life change, and get the Lap-Band. This was not a decision that was made lightly, but I am ready and confident it is the right decision. I owe it to myself, to that little girl who was so conflicted about food and afraid, to have a normal, healthy BMI and to enjoy life to its fullest. To once again partake in the activities I love, but am embarrassed to enjoy... swimming, skiing, dancing. I am ready to live a long, happy and healthy life... one adjustment at a time!

I would like to take a quick moment to thank my family and friends who have loved me unconditionally, no matter what size I was, and who have always been supportive. Marmee... thank you for raising me and showing me by example how to be a strong, beautiful, warm, caring woman. You are your father's daughter.  Nick and Sarah... you are the most amazing siblings anyone could have. John... you have loved me unconditionally from day one, and have never let me fall since. There are too many others for me to thank personally right now, and I would be afraid to accidently leave someone off... but you know who you are and I am so grateful to have you in my life! And to all my blog followers/readers/passerbyers... Thank you in advance for your support! :)

This is me (Little Val) around age 5 or 6