Sushi Success

My final sushi feast was a complete success this evening! :) I usually order 2 rolls, but tonight I ordered 3... and almost ate them all! I only left behind 2 pieces. So proud! The time catching up w/ Pam was wonderful, as always! Great night overall.

Started the liquid diet today (sushi aside)... drank a travel mug full of black coffee this afternoon, and holy jitteryness! I did not feel well at all. Guess black coffee on an almost empty stomach is not good. Lesson learned.

Also went to the movies today and saw No Strings Attached... I highly recommend it. It was hysterical! Good chemistry between ALL the actors... overall just great. Go see it!

Craving a cigarette badly! :( I'm pretty sure it has something to do w/ the wine I drank tonight, among other things. Can't do it though. Not worth the risk in surgery.

Well, it's late, and I'm full of mixed emotions right now, so I think it best if I just sign-off for now. I will close w/ some random events that took place on January 29th, in history...

1/29/1980 (the year I was born): 6 Iranian held U.S. hostages escape with help of Canadians AND the Cleveland Cavaliers beat the Los Angeles Lakers, 154-153 in quadruple OT!
1/29/1959 (the year my mom was born): Walt Disney's "Sleeping Beauty" was released.

A little bright from the flash, but this was my yummy dinner tonight:

Rants and Randomness

How did everyone fair getting around today? Whatever happened to snow "removal?" The town keeps plowing the feet upon feet of snow into these ginormous mountains that, I am convinced, will never melt. And where are these plowed mountains taking shape? They are, of course, conveniently located at the corners of intersections and parking lot entrances, so no one can actually see when it's safe to pull out. So smart, DPW, so smart. Ugh. And then there's my wonderful parking neighbor who stays buried in for days and then throws his snow in my meticulously clean spot when he's ready to emerge. That hardly seems fair. Yesterday, I even took the liberty of being extra nice (slightly selfish on my part too) of digging out the side of his car that faces my spot. I shoveled, and shoveled so there would be no snow between us. Well, the weasel left somewhere between late last night and early this morning, dumping his snow all over the extensive area I had cleaned. I wrote a note, but think I won't leave it in case he's one of those emotionally mature stunted people and takes it out on my car. I will just have faith that karma pays him a visit.

Still waiting to hear when my new surgery date is scheduled for. Hopefully I will find out soon. I was given the "OK" for the 2 meals I had planned for the weekend (sushi and tacos)... otherwise it's protein shakes and clear liquids from here on in! I wonder... does vodka count as a "clear" liquid? *raises eyebrow*

There's this blog I read, called Two Whole Cakes. I love it. What's it about? "Two Whole Cakes is a full-fat and diet-free blog dealing with body politics and cultural criticism." (taken directly from the "About" section of the blog). The other day she was talking about how all the "fat people" "reality" shows seem to shed a demeaning light on overweight people. Apparently there's a new show, Heavy, which purports to be less evil since it focuses more on the psychological aspects of being overweight as opposed to the "evils of food." The writer of the blog criticizes the show's tagline "Losing is their only hope," stating "Because what TV needs is more sad, fat people." She continues to say:

"Though this may be a kinder, gentler approach to televised weight loss, it still pathologizes all fat people as having some underlying psychological issue that causes them to eat like pigs. While this is certainly true of some fat people, this is often the only representation we see of fat folks on television, and thus it’s difficult for me to criticize in a thoughtful way past the first few minutes. Not all fat people are unable to walk more than a few feet; not all fat people eat like all the food in the world will disappear tomorrow. Some fat people are athletes, and some fat people are vegans, and some fat people eat and exercise just like their thinner counterparts do, and are still fat. Some fat people are really unhappy being fat, some are apathetic about it, and some dig their fatness. All fat people deserve respect and dignity, no matter their circumstances, but I do get tired of seeing only the more culturally-negative tropes repeated like they are a fair approximation of what all fat people experience."

And so I started thinking. Yes, being overweight is detrimental to our health. But why is there such a negative connotation around the physical aspect of it? There are lots of beautiful overweight people. Marilyn Monroe was a plus size, by the way. The image that's evoked when one sees an obese person is one of solitude, isolation, misery, disgust, surrounded by hundreds of Twinkie wrappers. Is that fair? I, for one, have never been enticed by a Twinkie and enjoy eating cooked greens, hummus, avocado, soy milk and whole grains. And those of you who know me, know this to be true. You know that I don't really have a sweet tooth, and ice cream, no matter how small the container will ALWAYS contract freezer burn in my freezer. But, do you think the woman sitting across from me on the bus picks up on that? I had a dentist once make a comment to me, "Well if you're sucking down sodas and eating candy all day..." I was offended and embarrassed all at once. How dare he presume to know my life, and that wasn't me at all! We're raised to "not judge a book by its cover," but we do it ALL the time. Is it fair that a 22-year old high school grad (no college degree) gets hired over the 32-year old professional w/ 14 years experience and college degree, because she is thin and the latter is overweight? I am not absolving myself from passing judgment here. Like I said, we all do it. It's just good to be aware of it, and challenge ourselves every time we find ourselves doing just that. No matter what the circumstance... I'm not just talking about obesity; how about the next time you see an impoverished, black man or a "Franklin Lakes" diva at the mall? Just take a moment; Recognize what you're doing; And consider an alternative. I don't know... maybe I'm being ridiculous and over-emotional. I'm just sayin'...

Now that I got that off my chest! LOL I'm off to continue my Law & Order: SVU marathon on Netflix, most likely followed by Tetris Battle on Facebook. Oh yes, another riveting Friday night for this chick! Look out! ;)

I'll catch you all tomorrow, Goddess willing. ;) Blessed be.

Hold the Presses!

Received some more news today that is not the best news, but also not the worst. My bloodwork showed an elevated White Blood Cell (WBC) count, which means my body is fighting an infection. Since I have been having tooth issues, I figured this was the cause. My dentist was kind enough to check me out and, sure enough, my "bad" wisdom tooth has decay and is infected. So, he prescribed me antibiotics to take for the next week.

How does this effect the surgery next week? Well, they're not so keen on operating on someone who already has an infection, because there is an increased risk for that infection to spread. And the last thing I want is to go through all the trouble of a surgery, just to have the Band become infected. Therefore, there will be no surgery next week. :( The surgeons want me to take the antibiotics and then check my WBC count again. If infection is gone, and numbers are normal, I will, hopefully, be having the surgery the following week.

So, kids, let's hope this penicillin does its job and my surgery will only be postponed by one week! Fingers crossed!

Woo Hoo and Boo Hoo

Test results came back! Good news or bad news first?

Ok, so bad news is, as I feared, I have what's known as a "fatty liver", and is pretty common. What does this mean for me? Well, basically that I will have to start a liquids only pre-op diet, like now. :( Talk about big time bummer, eh? It's a good thing I didn't plan to binge! Oh well. Guess this just means I'll have to get to the grocery store today to stock up on those items I listed yesterday.

Moving on to the good news... my triglycerides and cholesterol numbers have greatly improved since my physical last October! Last October was the first time in my life that my numbers were high. It scared the crap out of me! November 2009 my triglycerides (fats) were 151 (>150 is not good)... October 2010 they went up to an alarming 269! For those of you, like me, who are not quick w/ the math, that's an increase of 118. So not good. I know this is the cause of my fatty liver! Anyway, after just 3 months of basically not eating the food at work for breakfast and lunch anymore, and re-focusing on my whole grains and lean proteins, my triglycerides are now down to 201. Still not great, but what an improvement! As for my cholesterol, in November 2009 they measured in at 196 (>200 not good)... October 2010 they shot up to 226! And now, just 3 months later my cholesterol has dropped down to an awesome 167! :) And my HDL is good too.

I seemed to have passed all other tests as well! Just a little low on my vitamins B12 and D.

Now that I've dug my car out of the foot+ of snow it was buried under, I'm off to stock up on clear liquids and protein shakes! Hope everyone is surviving this snow... it's brutal this year! I feel like we're in an episode of the Twilight Zone, where we really live in a giant snow globe, and some kid keeps shakin' us up. Oy!

Have a lovely rest of the day!

T-Minus One Week

One week from this morning, I will be undergoing surgery, and having a foreign object placed around my stomach and in my abdomen. Good times!

All my test results should be in now and I am waiting to hear from the Surgical Coordinator. She said she would give me a call at the end of the day. That could be anywhere between now and 9pm though! Hopefully all is well w/ test results.

I made a list today of items I will need before the surgery to get me through the first phase (protein shakes and clear liquids for 2 weeks... again, good times! ha ha). As I was making this list it hit me... I won't be able to eat "normal" solid food until sometime in March! That's crazy, right?! I'm not sure how I'm going to get through that, but I know I'll manage. I'm determined! Maybe I can just have the anesthesiologist put me to sleep for the next month and wake up healed and ready to eat. Just kidding folks! But, seriously, part of me wants to just binge and eat anything and everything I can think of... kind of like a week-long last supper. However, most people do this and it's not the best thing to do... it causes rapid weight gain, increased fatty liver and causes the surgery to take more time and labor. This is why I created my "food bucket list" back in November! The purpose was to be able to enjoy certain foods I really wanted to enjoy, but might not be able to post-Band, still eat "healthily" and not feel deprived or over-indulgent by the time of the surgery. A good way to keep myself in control and in check. Two things remain on my list... southern smoked brisket and a good philly cheesesteak. Since I have no immediate plans to visit PA, I've cut my losses w/ the cheesesteak, but am determined to have that brisket before next Tuesday! I am also looking forward to a sushi feast on Saturday night! Yum!!! But, I digress... list is made and I need only buy the items.

Silver-lining to all I'm giving up for awhile??? 30 day supply of Percocet!!! :) = Happy Little Val

Quick rant... I have been to 7 different grocery stores in the past couple of days and CANNOT find 8th Continent Complete Vanilla Soy Milk at all! Where did it go??? I even looked it up online, where to buy it, and went to those stores... Nothin'! If anyone sees this at their local store, please let me know ASAP! I really want to use it as the milk basis for my protein shakes. Thank you in advance! And to the "winner"... my undying love and gratitude! :) Ok, ok... I'll bake you a cake! ;)

What is the "Band"?

No, I'm not going on tour as a groupie for the next year. Ha ha It just occurred to me, that not everyone has heard of the Lap-Band, and some of you might be wondering, "What the hell is she doing to herself?" Therefore, I will do my best to explain it!

For starters, this is what it looks like:

The inner part of the "gastric band" contains a 360° "balloon" that inflates when injected w/ saline.

This band sits around the top, smaller, part of your stomach. Like so...

The port is accessed from your abdomen and is used to add more saline (make the bubble bigger, and your stomach opening smaller) or remove saline (smaller bubble, bigger stomach opening). These are called "adjustments." Since the Band reduces the opening of your stomach, the amount of food able to be consumed reduces greatly... however, since it will be sitting at the "top" of your stomach, it tricks your body into feeling like it's full. Isn't that nifty?

My surgeon will be Dr. Stefanie Vaimakis (Dr. V), assisted by Dr. Fred Silvestri. You can find out more about them, the staff, as well as the Lap-Band procedure & any FAQs, on their web site for North Jersey Laparoscopic Associates. Their whole practice is amazing, and everyone who walks through the door is made to feel like family. True, I am considered extended family off the bat because of John and Sharon, but I see how all patients are treated. Dr. V really puts her patients' needs above all else! I am terrified of surgery, having never had one, but I feel more assured knowing Dr. V is performing the surgery.

With all surgeries, certain pre-admission tests (PATs) are required. Dr. V is known for ordering up more testing than the average bariatric surgeon. That is just because she wants to ensure, as much as possible, that your body is in the best condition it can be to be able to handle the surgery. I went for my PATs last Friday. Now I just wait for the results (hopefully all will be well and my clearance will stand) and then the surgery!

Let me tell you something... a year ago, if you told me I would be having this surgery, I would've fought you tooth & nail, and said you were out of your mind. I was so against it. Then, as I learned more about it, I understood why people might have the surgery, but I still felt it wasn't for me. Now, I have accepted the reasons I was against it, learned as much as I could regarding everything about it, and here I am on the eve of my one week mark, and so excited! :)

About Me!

Since, I couldn't fit this all in the actual "About Me" section, here it is...

They say you can't trust anyone over 30. Well, here I am, 3 months shy of turning 31... shouldn't I be able to trust myself by now?

My battle with food began early on in life. Even though I was never an overweight child, my father constantly nagged me about my figure. At age 7 I can remember him telling me that I couldn't have bread because I was too fat, and in the next breath he would yell at me for not eating everything on my dinner plate, saying we had "starving cousins in Cuba." Talk about mixed signals! 

My mother discovered her love of baking/cooking when I was young. She was a natural at it! To this day I have yet to taste a cheesecake that even comes close to hers. :) Well, this innate talent of my mother's, introduced a whole new world to me, that ignited each of my senses. At age 5 I could crack open and whisk an egg. By age 7, I was creating my own cooking shows (inspired by Julia Child's) and making egg salad (albeit, a little heavy-handed w/ the mustard... mom, you'll remember this! lol). Here I was, surrounded by double-boilers melting chocolate, the smell of moist cakes wafting through the house or onions being sautéed in melting butter... but not allowed to eat any of it. I was "too fat." Thus began my habit of sneaking and hiding food. :( Of course, it didn't help that my closest friends at the time were skinny twigs. Looking back at pictures, I see, I was not overweight, but perfectly healthy. Eventually, my self-fulfilling prophecy came to fruition, and the extra pounds not only found me, but stuck to me like white on rice!

To make a long story, less long... my whole life I have been battling with weight and food issues. I've been super successful with WeightWatchers, and will still recommend it. However, once more stressful, emotional situations entered my life, I was no longer able to follow the program and all the weight I had lost (55lbs) came back w/ a vengeance... and then some!

I try to be the best person I can be. My grandfather taught me how to love unconditionally, accept everyone, pick yourself up when you've fallen, be strong, be patient (although I have trouble w/ this one!) and forgive. I am proud of the woman I have grown up to be. However, there is still that voice in my head telling me "no one will really love you for you when you're overweight" and "you're not good enough". At 30yrs old, I know this is not true, but suffering from "morbid obesity" (ugh, could they pick a more demeaning name?), I find that I am doubting myself and the truths I know, and listening to that voice. 

So, where do I go from here? Something has to change. As a person who is deathly afraid of death, how can I justify living with a BMI of 47?! I might as well pick my coffin out now. NO! Thanks to two very important people to me (one of whom is currently living with the band, and both of whom work for a barriatric surgeon), and after MUCH consideration and knowledge inquiry... I have decided to make a life change, and get the Lap-Band. This was not a decision that was made lightly, but I am ready and confident it is the right decision. I owe it to myself, to that little girl who was so conflicted about food and afraid, to have a normal, healthy BMI and to enjoy life to its fullest. To once again partake in the activities I love, but am embarrassed to enjoy... swimming, skiing, dancing. I am ready to live a long, happy and healthy life... one adjustment at a time!

I would like to take a quick moment to thank my family and friends who have loved me unconditionally, no matter what size I was, and who have always been supportive. Marmee... thank you for raising me and showing me by example how to be a strong, beautiful, warm, caring woman. You are your father's daughter.  Nick and Sarah... you are the most amazing siblings anyone could have. John... you have loved me unconditionally from day one, and have never let me fall since. There are too many others for me to thank personally right now, and I would be afraid to accidently leave someone off... but you know who you are and I am so grateful to have you in my life! And to all my blog followers/readers/passerbyers... Thank you in advance for your support! :)

This is me (Little Val) around age 5 or 6