Walking on the Moon

My current soundtrack as I write this long overdue blog entry. The lyrics of this Police song are actually kinda cool and fitting in a way. I'm sitting here at Starbucks... my sister was working all day, so I thought I'd hang here and get to see her too!

A lot has been going on in my personal life the past 2 months, and while I haven't really had the time to write, I've missed it dearly!

Post WLS, as of this past Friday, the 22nd, I have lost a total of 36lbs. That being said, since my last post about 2 months ago, I've only lost 5lbs. This is due to partly to my not finding the right adjustment yet, and heavy stress triggers. I'm okay with this though, because this is a life-long journey, and what's 2 months in comparison?

I am learning to recognize the difference between true hunger and stress eating. I'm also becoming more attuned to my body and how I handle stress. Believe it or not, sometimes I don't even realize that I'm stressed out... it takes someone else to point it out to me. Then it's like, "Duh, Val!"

Here are some of my life updates (some of the stress is GOOD stuff), in no apparent order...

LIFE/RELATIONSHIPS
Remember way back when, I mentioned that great things were happening in my life and I would tell you about them soon enough?!? Well, sorry for the major delay, but basically... I'm engaged! That's right folks, ring-on-finger, date-set, location almost picked, engaged. Some of you reading this may already know this news. Let me assure those of you who had no idea and are surprised... it shocked the Hell outta me too! Oh, it's John, by the way! Without posting my complete personal life here, basically, John and I had been in a relationship for 9 years (yep... you read correctly... 9, as in almost a decade) together. We broke up, and have been apart for the past 2 years. March 1st, while talking about pretty much everything, John (out of nowhere) got down on his knee and said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Three weeks later, while visiting Kristen & Scott, he once again got down on one knee and proposed for a second time... this time with a ring. It was a very fulfilling moment for me, and the vintage-style ring is absolutely perfect!

As of June 1st, we've been living together (once again) in our new apartment! It was a mad dash trying to find one, but all worked out, and while the apartment is considerably small, it's really nice and in a quiet neighborhood. We like!

My soon-to-be Mother-in-Law (MIL) was in Colombia when all of this went down, and had no apartment when she returned, Soooo... she has been living with us! Yay! Ha Ha Nah, it hasn't been that bad, and is actually quite manageable. Knowing it's temporary is helpful, and having her there has actually proven quite advantageous. Which brings me to the next topic...

WORK
My position at Oasis runs from September through June, leaving me out of work, and out of an income for the summer! This is probably the most stressful factor in my life right now. I started really focusing all my time on job searching and sending out resumes near the end of June. I have yet to hear back from even one of those positions! I know it's hard out there, but do you have any idea what it's like to be 31 years old, have a college degree and plethora of qualifications, and somehow not be able to find a job?! I've been pretty much living on the few pennies I had, not able to pay all my bills, and really struggling these past few weeks. Any idea how damaging that can be to one's psyche? It's not pretty. That being said, I am doing my best to stay positive and hopeful, having faith that something will come along any minute! There is ONE prospect that seems somewhat hopeful... fingers crossed please everyone! :)

BAND/HEALTH
As I mentioned earlier, I haven't really been losing weight, but my body is changing and getting smaller. This is thanks to my re-introduction of the gym into my life! I've been going pretty regularly as many times as possible during the week, and have definitely noticed a difference, not only in the way I feel (strong, healthy), but in the way my clothes fit me! More and more items in my wardrobe are becoming obsolete. Shirts that I once "filled" and fit me snuggly, now hang loose. Pants that once couldn't close or gave me a muffin top, now need to be secured with a safety pin. Great non-scale measurements of success and self-confidence booster! Thank you Bally's! lol

That being said, I've still felt like I can eat more than I should be able to. That, combined with the fact that I'm a stress-eater (who isn't?!?), have been key in my number on the scale not budging. Well, that's not completely true... it did go up a few pounds during "that time of month", but I was able to shed those temporary pounds rather easily. So, after a month of trying to figure all these things out, I went for an adjustment. I was actually hesitant to go because I felt I was so close to filling my Band completely, and was afraid I would be the first person in history to have her Band filled to capacity and still be hungry! Gaspar saw me, looked at my chart, reassured me that my fear would not come to fruition, and said, "I think we just need to do this!" What he meant by that was adding a substantial amount of saline, as opposed to the 1/2CC's I'd been getting. He pulled out all the saline I had, to see exactly what was in there, and then added a full CC. John and I have actually been wondering if I was in fact too tight (for the first time!) since it's hard to get even liquids down sometimes. But, I've been adjusting better each day, and even though it's hard (especially first few bites), I am able to get food down and only the small portion that I should be eating. RESULT! :) (ha ha A little Coupling reference, for those of you who are familiar) I haven't been "throwing up", and as long as that's the case, I'm going to try and work with this adjustment.

MISCELLANEOUS
Finished watching all of Ghost Whisperer series awhile back! I liked. More recently I've made my way through The Office. Funny, funny show. We don't have cable, but do stream Netflix and Hulu Plus, so I've got plenty to keep me entertained.

Have been dreaming of opening my own cafe/bakery lately. Probably because I've got loads of free time on my hands these days! But, that's pretty much just a pipe dream. Need money for that! Would be nice though.

Another advantage to not working, which is also in conjunction with my sister working at Starbucks, is that I've enjoyed endless Iced Skim Lattes and lots of sissy-time so far this summer! :)

Ooh! I almost forgot one other measure of success... the other night I was getting ready to go to a party, and going through my jewelry. For the Hell of it, I decided to try on some rings that I haven't been able to wear in years! And they fit!!! Good feeling!

Also, I've lowered my BMI from a horrifying 47, to a slightly less horrifying 40.4 (as of Friday's weigh-in)!

And here are some more picture updates for your viewing pleasure!

Taken 5/5/2011 (at TWIN event, with Angelae):

Taken 7/17/2011:

Well, now that I've written a freakin' novel, I think I'll sign off for today. I'm actually waiting for my friend, Tracey to meet me! Oh, and here she is! :) Promise to be back soon! Have a great day!

Yay for Friday the 13th!

I don't know why everyone gets in such a tizzy every time the 13th falls on a Friday! Being born on the 13th, I consider it a lucky number for me. Not a curse. There are so many Friday the 13th superstitions, but they mostly come from some connection between religion and superstition. For instance:

On October 13, 1307, a day so infamous that Friday the 13th would become a synonym for ill fortune, officers of King Philip IV of France carried out mass arrests in a well-coordinated dawn raid that left several thousand Templars — knights, sergeants, priests, and serving brethren — in chains, charged with heresy, blasphemy, various obscenities, and homosexual practices. None of these charges was ever proven, even in France — and the Order was found innocent elsewhere — but in the seven years following the arrests, hundreds of Templars suffered excruciating tortures intended to force "confessions," and more than a hundred died under torture or were executed by burning at the stake.

Anyway, just thought I'd share some fun facts around Friday the 13th... Hope everyone is having a good day. I know I can't wait for next year, when my birthday falls on a Friday! :)

Now I'll fill you in on my Band journey...

Last Friday (after 3 weeks) I went to the office, gained 2lbs in that time, spoke w/ Dr. V, and she gave me a fill. Not sure how much, but I'm focusing more on the "feeling", and not on the amount of saline CCs that are in my Band. I told the doctor that I had been feeling hungry and sometimes the amount of food I am supposed to eat doesn't satisfy me, and I need a little more. Other times it's fine. She said I need an adjustment, but to also cut back on carbs, limiting them to once a day, if at all.

I felt pretty good after the adjustment, however this past week I have not felt much of a difference. I have been more cognizant of my carb intake, but still wasn't always feeling satisfied. Rather than wait for a few more weeks to by, where I could potentially gain more weight, I decided to see Dr. V today to let her know what was going on. Turns out I lost those 2lbs in the one week since my last visit. Yay! She still gave me an adjustment though, and said I did the right thing by not waiting.

So, I'm still in search of MY sweet spot, but loving life along the way! :)

P.S. Happy belated Mother's Day to all you mom's out there! I finally got to see my mom last night and it was wonderful! Nick, Sarah & I met her for dinner at this charming restaurant in Goshen, NY called Limoncello. If you're ever in the area, I highly recommend it. It was the first time we ever went there, the service was great, the food delicious and made from all fresh ingredients (including homemade pasta), food was also affordable and we were even given limoncello shots and coffee on the house!

Photo Update

I know I posted some "before" pictures awhile back, but some of you, who I haven't seen, have been asking to see some recent "after" pics.

And so, without further ado, here you are...

Taken 3/26/2011 (w/ my "nephew", Ryan):

Taken 4/22/2011 (cheesy self-shot):

Taken 4/22/2011 (before the Lady Gaga concert):

Time Flies!

Has it really been 17 days since my last post?! Plus, looking back, I realized I haven't updated you on the Band WL progress since back in March. Yikes! My apologies for being such a slacker. I've been so busy lately, looking for a job (will be out of work in about 2 months) and looking for an apartment (need to move out by June 1st), among other things, that one day just blurs into the next and here we are!

Let's talk Band. Last I mentioned, I was sick and had a teeny bit of saline removed, losing 4lbs in those few days since the adjustment. Well, a few days later I went to have that amount of saline put back in and had gained 3lbs. So, basically, I lost 1lb that week. Which is normal at this point in the game. I should be losing no more than 1-2lbs per week. Had my next appointment on April 17th, and lost those 3lbs, bringing my total WL back up to 31lbs! Yippee! Gaspar added another 1cc of saline to help w/ the hunger.

Since then, I've been feeling pretty good. I think I'm feeling the right amount of restriction, and I haven't really had any issues w/ food either. Dry chicken seems to be my biggest nemesis, but as long as I take small bites and chew enough, I'm usually OK.

I've also starting incorporating some Zumba workouts into my schedule. Not everyday, but a few times per week. Would really like to get back into the gym routine! Just need to find that motivation! I know, I know... don't we all?

Threw a surprise 30th birthday party for John, which was a huge success! He had no idea and a good time was had by all.

I spent Easter in PA w/ my family, visiting my Nana, and Palm Sunday w/ my family at my Auntie "I's" house. Overall the holiday was lovely and I thoroughly enjoyed the time w/ my family!

This weekend I'm making another trek out to PA (a little further this time), for the twins' Baptism. Angelae was able to get us a great deal on a hotel, so we're fortunate enough to go the night before. Times are pretty tight financially right now and I thought we were going to have to do the whole drive in one day.

Well, that's about all for now. Will post again shortly w/ some recent photos! :)

The Human Experience

Shocker, I know... 2 posts in one day, back-to-back! Ha ha

I just had something else to share w/ you all. At the recommendation of my brother, and then sister, I watched a documentary film entitled, The Human Experience. It is amazing and very touching. It's about 2 brothers who head out in search of, well, "the human experience", stepping in the shoes of those less fortunate than most. From living homeless on the streets of New York City, to helping sick children in Peru, to bonding w/ a leper community in Ghana, they share their experience for all to see.

I highly recommend watching this film, and challenge you to not be effected by it. What purpose do we have here on this earth, and how can we make a difference? Rent it, or stream it on Netflix as soon as you are able to. Just make sure you have some tissues nearby.

Two thumbs, way, way up there!

Self-Esteem and Attraction

So, I've been thinking about the correlation of self-esteem and attraction a lot lately. Are we attracted to someone based solely on their appearance, or is it something more that pulls us toward them? Perhaps an amazing personality, or incredible sense of humor? They say looks are only skin deep, but how well do we practice this concept?

The reason this has been on my mind lately is because I have noticed a difference in how I am treated by strangers, in particular the male gender. I know I have lost some weight, but I am still the same person I always was, and still overweight. Yet, I've noticed that I'm being approached by more men and it seems all of a sudden more guys are interested. I was talking w/ a friend about this. Where were all these guys before, when I was actually looking for someone? I haven't changed that drastically physically. So what is it? And then she said the simplest thing... "It's because you feel more self-confident about yourself." Could that really be the answer? Does it all come down to your level of self-confidence?

When a guy notices a woman, sure he notices her physical appearance first, but there might actually be more to what attracts him to her. If a woman has low self-esteem, it will show in her little mannerisms... head down, hair in face, constant fidgeting and probably not very good w/ eye contact. Is this a turn-off for men, no matter how gorgeous she may be? Do men really want a woman who is, not cocky and self-absorbed, but rather comfortable in her own skin? A woman who embraces her flaws and realizes her own beauty and true worth?

Is there really a correlation between self-esteem and attraction from others? I don't know... just something to ponder.

Hodge-Podge

Visit w/ the Gramlings was awesome! It was so good to see them and play w/ the twins. Who, by the way, are the sweetest little things ever. Ryan is crawling all over the place and Lucas has 2 teeth! They're such happy babies and you can't help but melt when in their presence. Only bummer was the time flew, and the weekend went by too quickly. I also got to see my Nana, as we stopped there on the way back from Kristen's, so that was nice, and also made her day.

My new adjustment was going well. Unfortunately, I came down w/ some food poisoning yesterday, and they released a 1/2cc of saline from my band since I was dry-heaving. However, I lost another 4lbs since Friday (31lbs lost total!), so that is a good indication that the adjustment was at a good point for me. We'll see how I do w/ the slightly less amount. I have a good feeling though.

While I was home sick yesterday, I got to finish watching season 3 of Ghost Whisperer. Yes, I'm still plugging away at watching the whole series. It's just so damn addicting! I got a preview DVD of Black Swan and am hoping to be able to watch it over the weekend. I've heard such great things about it.

My birthday is in a little less than 2 weeks. Can't believe I'm going to be 31 years old. I still feel like I'm 26! Not sure yet how I'll celebrate, but definitely looking forward to it. I love birthdays!

Tonight I met my friend, Meagan, for dinner to catch up. It was a wonderful evening and so good to see her. :) I also got to catch up on Grey's Anatomy tonight. Well, almost... I now have to watch tonight's episode that aired, since I missed it. But, other than that I'm caught up and it's getting good again. High drama.

I have to say that a lot of great things are happening in my life (I will share full details soon enough), and I am truly very happy. Thank you everyone for your support, encouragement, and love. I wouldn't be here without you all in my corner.

P.S. I promise to post a recent pic soon!